Critiquing "American Idol": The Beginning

I met my friend Dave in 1978. I had just graduated from Ohio University, at the age of three, and he was still in school, at the age of 21. Dave was a member of OU’s forensics, or competitive public speaking, team, as I had been for four years. Over the next few years, I coached the forensics teams at Miami University and Morehead State University, and post-graduation Dave coached the team at Ohio State University.

On a forensics team, students compete in various “individual” speaking events (as opposed to debate, which is a team sport): Extemporaneous and Impromptu Speaking; After Dinner, Informative and Persuasive Speaking; Oral Interpretation of Prose, Poetry or Drama. Week after week, students work on their presentations, assisted by their coaches; then they attend tournaments on various college campuses nationwide, competing in multiple speaking events, being judged by grad students and faculty members from other schools, hoping to score highly enough to make the final round, to advance to the national championships, to win it all.

Sound familiar?

It should come as no surprise, then, that on July 3, 2002, my friend Dave sent me an e-mail that included these fateful words:

One thing I hope you are doing is watching “American Idol” on Fox. It is one of the most entertaining shows I've seen in a long time!

In case you haven't seen it . . . it's a forensics tourney with one event -- singing. It's the talent competition of Miss America, but guys can compete. It's the Gong Show...

The "talent" is a great deal of fun to watch and judge. Each week 10 of the 30 semi-finalists performs and three move on to the finals. This week’s show would have had me awarding a 1-94, 2-90, 3-85. My 4th through 10th would have had a hard time getting rating points above 80. . . .

The bottom line is that the show is a hoot. And the judges don't really get to decide, because they leave it up to the American public to phone in. The results have been unpredictable. At least one horrid performer makes it each week. The best one usually makes it as well, as does a mediocre talent. The judges will get to determine the final contestant to make the top 10. The show is on Fox for 1 hour on Tuesdays at 9 p.m. The winners are announced live on Wednesdays at 9:30.

Well, I was intrigued, but it took me a while to get around to watching the show. Then, on July 23, Dave sent me this, his summary of the previous night’s performances, complete with ranks and ratings, just like a judge would assign at a forensics tournament:

Kelly, “Natural Woman,” 1-97 -- a top-notch, star-quality performance, her best
to date

Tamyra, “Tell Me?,” 2-95 – might have won the round, but lack of musical merit – never never heard of it before, but boy can she work the crowd

Justin, “Sunny,” 3-93 – it was like watching Teresa McElwee – even when he's off he still pulls sweeps points, although he may be taking it a little for granted

R.J., “Under the Boardwalk,” 4-92 – much better than last week, can he be peaking in the elim rounds?

Christina, “When a Man Loves a Woman,” 5-91 – I didn't care for her rendition, a little sharp on some notes

None of the others fit the bill, “American Idol”:

Nikki, “Heartbreaker,” 6-86 – Janis Joplin she ain't. She is nowhere near as good as she was in prelims. Choking?

Ryan, “You Really Got Me,” 7-83 – simply dreadful

A.J., “How Sweet It Is,” 8-82 – He snuck thru last week, it won't happen again (although Ryan could let him stay alive to hurt our eardrums again)

After that—after I had seen Dave put “American Idol” into a form we were both familiar with, the judging ballot with ranks, ratings and comments—I had to start watching the show. By the middle of August, we were swapping e-mails every Wednesday morning, comparing our ranks, ratings and comments on the previous night’s performances.

Here’s the oldest one of mine from my e-mail archive, dated August 14, 2002—the day after Tamyra Gray had blown me away singing “A House is Not a Home” during Burt Bacharach Week:

Another "BB" night -- not Big Bands, but Burt Bacharach. What can they come up
with for next week? Betty Boop?

Once again, we agreed on almost everything.

5-87 NIKKI McKIBBON
I think she was probably right to choose the closest thing to a hard-rocking Bacharach song, "Always Something There to Remind Me." Unfortunately, she was off-key during a lot of the number. And I don't care if you're an opera diva or a grunge rocker, off-key is just not good when it comes to singing. Buh-bye.

4-90 R. J. HELTON
I'll try to come up with some nice things to say about R. J., like Paula would. He has a
nice smile, and very lovely feminine eyelashes, and he remembered the words to
"Arthur's Theme." Okay, I'm done now. Someday, R. J. will be fat. And even then,
he won't be Pavarotti. There's just nothing spectacular or distinctive or even
interesting about his voice.

3-93 JUSTIN GUARINI
Justin does have a way of making love to the camera and to the audience, so I can see how he's gotten as far as he has. Unlike, say, Ricky Martin, I have a hard time
picturing him at 50, though. His "Look of Love" was good, but I thought the ending was flat -- not as in off-key, but just dry. Not a strong finish.

2-95 KELLY CLARKSON
What I most liked about Kelly's performance was that she really made "Walk on By" her own -- I loved the way she growled on lines like "Make believe that you don't see a tear." She was NOT a Dionne Warwick clone, and I think that's terrific.

1-98 TAMYRA GRAY
Tamyra benefitted from singing the closest thing to a melodic ballad (on what was officially called "Love Song" night, not Burt Bacharach night) in the Bacharach oeuvre. She not only has an amazing voice but she also knows how to act a song. The only thing that kept her from getting a 100 from me was the outfit. I kept thinking of another singing performance you and I both saw on television: "I'm just another
Jew in rags!"

The next time I wrote was when they were down to the Final Three (after Tamyra became the show’s first “shocking elimination”):

SINGER'S CHOICE ROUND
====================

3-90 NIKKI McKIBBIN
I thought "Edge of Seventeen" was a good song choice for Nikki. But it doesn't seem like the lyrics matter to her. They could be about anything and she will have the same facial expressions and vocal tone. She's got one or two good "big" notes that she hits pretty well. Her eyes tend to wander (like she's sneaking a glance at the judges while she's performing). I thought she lost her enthusiasm toward the end.

2-95 JUSTIN GUARINI
It occurred to me while watching Justin do his "Let's Stay Together" that the secret to his success is all in his physical performance. The sustained eye contact with an audience member (or the camera) on a phrase. The smile. The little head shakes (that make the hair bounce). He needs all of that as camouflage for the fact that his voice is good -- but JUST good. The performance improved as he went along but it was a weak ending.

1-97 KELLY CLARKSON
Unlike Randy Jackson, I thought "Think Twice" was a good choice for Kelly, because
contemporary country is something we (or at least I) haven't heard on the "AI"
stage, and it demonstrated yet again her enormous versatility. Kelly's voice is
great and she does a lot with it. And her facials are wonderful -- Nikki should
take a lesson.

JUDGES' CHOICE ROUND
====================

3-90 NIKKI McKIBBIN
Although "Black Velvet" is done to death on Karaoke Night at my favorite watering hole (and Randy Jackson said it was a very karaoke performance) I thought this was a perfect choice for Nikki. However, she sang it just like she sings everything else. Her ending was good, and her costume choice was better than in Round I, but I got the feeling that Nikki knows it's over.

2-94 JUSTIN GUARINI
The striped suit made him look even younger than he is. It finally hit me while watching him sing "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" what it is that bothers me about Justin. It's all acting. It's all studied. The outstretched hand lowering on "the sun going down on me." The gestures. The facials. And since this was a song the
judges picked -- not a song HE picked -- the technique was more obvious. He is a
flirt, and it's obvious he's flirting. Shallow. All surface. Bleah.

1-96 KELLY CLARKSON
Kelly looked beautiful in the dress, but this was not her best performance. She
had to alter the melody because her low range doesn't quite stretch low enough for the song. I also don't know why she sang the same verse twice ("I can't forget this
evening" twice, instead of that verse once and "I can't forget tomorrow" once).
Still, she is such a great singer and it is such a tough song (and she doesn't
come across as scripted) that she gets the 1 from me.

Nikki finally got her comeuppance, and the following week it was time for the first “AI” showdown:

And with no further ado . . .

JUSTIN -- "BEFORE YOUR LOVE" -- Score: 94
In forensics, I know that we are not supposed to judge a contestant on anything other than his performance -- for example, seeing him smoke pot in the men's room in between rounds or something. But all that contributes to, or detracts from, one's extrinsic ethos, doesn't it? So Justin bothered me from the minute he walked out on stage, with his wide-legged stance and his unwillingness to listen to the scripted blather from the moron hosts (so that he could blow kisses and touch his heart while making eye contact with his fan base of premenstrual girls). Then he comes out to sing this incredibly boring song and he's all gestures, stance and smile again. The heart touching. The legs a mile apart. That smile. All pre-planned, all phony, and all of that made obvious by the snoozer of a song he had to sing. Creepy.

KELLY -- "A MOMENT LIKE THIS" -- Score: 94
Not, by far, Kelly's best performance. I kept asking myself, "Why is she dropping her final consonants?" It's "A Moment Like This," not "A Momen' Li' This." She had to do her trademark growl, of course, but there was nowhere in the lyric to do it appropriately. So she did it where it was inappropriate. You don't growl on the line "something so tender." However, the end of the number was terrific.

JUSTIN -- "GET HERE" -- Score: 96
Justin proved once again that he is best with his own choice of material, and not stuff he's forced to sing by the judges' choice or the category. At least with songs he's chosen he has internalized the thoroughly rehearsed movements and gestures. They were all there, of course. It was like watching American Sign Language. Justin must be terribly popular with the hearing impaired; his gestures spell out the song like a hula dancer's. I was disappointed that the producers required the contestants to sing their original two-minute versions of their chosen songs, and not expanded renditions. But I don't think I could have taken another minute of Justin touching his heart and reaching out for the sunset. The two-minute limit: Mahalo.

KELLY -- "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" -- Score: 97
It was so delightful to see somebody up on stage having fun. Kelly played with the audience and pranced around the stage as if she had been performing in venues like the Kodak Theater all her life. Her growls worked perfectly on this song, too, and fortunately she was limited to two minutes -- one more growl and she would have had laryngitis. She's going to have the same vocal problems that Julie Andrews and Liza Minnelli have encountered, and maybe sooner than them, too. So we should be enjoying her while we can.

JUSTIN -- "A MOMENT LIKE THIS" -- Score: 93
At the beginning, the song seemed to dip too low and reach too high for his range. But the main portion of the song he handled well vocally. However . . . if he leaned down to touch one more little girl's fingertips, I would have hurled. Yuck. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

KELLY -- "BEFORE YOUR LOVE" -- Score: 98
Amazing. I hated this song when Justin sang it, and when Kelly sang it, I actually liked it. Is that my bias? Is that because I was more familiar with it? Or was it because she really sang the lyric and exuded nothing but class? She really knocked it out of the park, in my opinion.

Overall:

KELLY 1-96
JUSTIN 2-94

Can't wait for tonight

Little did I know that by the middle of the following season, I’d be forwarding my e-mails intended for my friend Dave to other people who wanted to know what I thought of the previous night’s goings-on on what by then had become (in every sense of the word) a monstrous television hit. And I never expected that those people would start forwarding those e-mails to others, and an interplanetary phenomenon would be born.

Thanks a lot, Dave.