Surprise!
Although I never review the "American Idol" results shows, for some reason this year I feel compelled to. Something I guess I should take up at my next appointment with my therapist, Robert, at the Farmers Market.
Maybe it's because, in the past, the "American Idol" season finale has been such a monumental waste of cathode rays. Remember the year of the running-joke dumb-blonde-at-the-gourmet-restaurant sketches with Wolfgang Puck and Kellie Pickler? Ryan Seacrest trolling the red carpet and then taking us backstage to "spy" on the finalists in their dressing rooms? Paul Anka, dripping formaldehyde, singing custom lyrics to "My Way"? Or, most cringe-worthy of all, the dreaded "Golden Idol" Awards?
This year's closer, on the other hand -- while it had plenty of the filler, shameless cross-promotion and lame gags that characterize every "American Idol" results show -- provided a solid two hours of entertainment that, more than anything else, ended the season in an altogether satisfying way.
How could I not do the same for you, my faithful fellow "Idol" fans?
As always, in order of appearance:
Intro: David Archuleta and David Cook, dressed all in white and bathed in a single spotlight, staring each other down in a most uncomfortable way. Oh, please, God, I thought, not more boxing. Proof again that God cares about reality shows: we were spared. Better yet, the boys' embarassment wearing their Man from Glad-rags was diminished once we got a load of Randy Jackson, dressed as if he'd just been discharged from the British Army, circa 1776. What was he thinking?
The Remotes: Live from the Cook-fan gathering Kansas City, it's . . . Matt Rogers! What, they couldn't get Constantine Maroulis or Justin Guarini or Kimberly Caldwell or someone who placed higher than 11th and actually went on an "AI" tour to report from the scene? Meanwhile, in Murray, Utah -- oh, my God, it's Mikalah Gordon! You must remember Mikalah Gordon, the girl with the soul of Barbra Streisand but the voice of Fran Drescher. Only now, she doesn't look like she's from Flushing. She looks like she's from . . . Siam. What's up with that? Still, it was nice to see that "Idol" takes care of its own, especially those more unfortunate than us.
"Get Ready," performed by the Top Twelve with the "So You Think You Can Dance?" Dancers: Well, everybody's in white, and they're moving all over the stage, and some of them are break-dancing, and some of them are singing, but I couldn't for the life of me tell you who's who, thanks to the non-stop zooming of the cameras and the every-nanosecond editing. Dizzying.
"A Hero Can Save Us," performed by David Archuleta and David Cook: The Top Two harmonized very nicely on this, I thought -- not always the result when a crooner and a rocker get together. (It helps when the rocker can adapt to other musical styles.) The difference between the two as performers was particularly evident here: David Cook is so much more relaxed onstage, and looked ever so much more comfortable relating to his duet partner. He's a generous performer, though, and by the end of the number the two of them had a nice big brother/little brother vibe going on.
The Love Guru sketch, David Archuleta, David Cook and Mike Myers: Oooh -- another big difference between the Daves became apparent here, in a wretched cross-promotional sketch about the two of them visiting the lead character in the upcoming Paramount Pictures blockbuster, The Love Guru. And the difference is: David Cook can act. David Archuleta can't. D.C.'s facial expressions were actually funnier than the forced gags coming out of Mike Myers's mouth. (I have to say, though, that the Guru's greeting to one and all, "Mariskahargitay," is pretty damn funny.)
"Waiting for You," performed by Syesha Mercado and Seal: Syesha's singing partner courtesy of Heidi Klum. Syesha's dress courtesy of Rami Kashou. The whole number was "Project Runway"-licious. And our third-place contestant held her own in the singing department with Seal. Only one word for it: Fierce!
"Hallelujah," performed by Jason Castro: Jason reprised his best number of the season. And he still remembered the words. Another heartfelt rendition from Whoopi Travolta's Love Muppet. Let's move on.
Ford Music Video outtakes: Better than the videos were.
Donna Summer medley, performed by the Top Six women and Donna Summer: Notable for two things: Amanda Overmyer looking somewhere between bored and downright pissed off throughout the entire number, and Donna Summer herself, in fine voice but sporting not so svelte a figure. Somewhere along the line she should have said, "No more beers -- enough is enough!" But she graciously shared her rhinestone-encrusted microphone with Syesha. I wish she'd share it with me -- what a hit I'd be on karaoke night with that thing!
"The Letter," performed by Michael Johns and Carly Smithson: So nice to see them both, to see two early front-runners get another moment in the sun, and to see them so relaxed onstage and with each other. Carly looked great, but I have to say, Michael Johns, in his tux jacket, looked even better. They were terrific.
Jimmy Kimmel's monologue: He tried to skewer Ryan, Paula and Simon, but he left Randy out entirely. Since, in my opinion, Randy is completely expendable (and the British Army wants its red coat back), this didn't bother me. Makes you wonder, though, doesn't it? The entire monologue was lame. Best line: An aside about Simon's parents, "Rosemary and Satan Cowell."
Bryan Adams medley, performed by the Top Six men and Bryan Adams: Not in my wheelhouse. Who is this guy? He kind of looks like Jerry Van Dyke.
"Sharp Dressed Man," performed by David Cook and ZZ Top: At times, especially early on, D.C. looked a little uncomfortable and reserved, but heck -- he's only been trying to grow his facial hair for three months, not 30 years. He loosened up and, better yet, he displayed none of the diction problems that plagued him Tuesday night. By the end of the number, he was having fun, and so was I.
"Teach Your Children Well," performed by Brooke White and Graham Nash: Okay, so she didn't get to sing with Carole King or Carly Simon -- but if she had, we wouldn't have been able to tell their voices apart. Pairing Brooke with a man made that job ever so much easier. Overall, the perfect parting image for the ex-nanny: barefoot, strumming her guitar and singing a 1970s folk-rock song in front of pictures of little children. Woo-hoo!
Guitar Hero commercial with David Cook: D.C. re-creates Tom Cruise's famous "Old Fashioned Rock-and-Roll" number from Risky Business. Hilarious. What I didn't realize at the time was that David Archuleta also filmed his own version of the spot, and I missed it when I went for another slug of whiskey. I have since seen it, and I now recommend that you watch them back-to-back on YouTube. The big difference? David Cook is wearing briefs, and David Archuleta is wearing Magic Mormon Underpants. It's worth seeking out D.A.'s version, just to get a rare look at the Sacred Vestments of Latter-Day Saints, Boxer-Shorts Edition. You've got to hand it to David Archuleta: He gave us something Mitt Romney and Marie Osmond never did.
A performance by a boy band that Ryan said "needs no introduction" so he allowed the screaming girls in the audience to shout out their name, which of course was unintelligible: I came to find out they were The Jonas Brothers. I had come to think of them as The Eunuchs. I like my name for them better.
Bad-audition montage: Better to watch one minute of this than ten entire episodes of it. One wannabe the judges and producers found particularly memorable was one Renaldo Lapuz, who auditioned with a song he wrote himself called "We're Brothers Forever." So just as they trotted out last year's crazed Clay Aiken fan and let him sing with the object of his twisted desire, the producers foisted Renaldo upon us, singing his signature tune, dressed in something he got at Siegfried and Roy's going-out-of-business sale, and coming down the stairs just like Lucy Ricardo did in the famous Hollywood-showgirl episode. Oh, but it got better. Up the aisles to accompany him: the University of Southern California marching band and cheerleaders, and eventually even Paula and Randy.
This show is like the television equivalent of a pizza that fell over in your car on your way home, I thought. All the cheese is smooshed into one place!
Around here, USC is viewed either with envy or contempt as the rich kids' school, the university whose graduates sometimes have just a tiny superiority complex and sense of entitlement. I'm from Ohio, I wouldn't know. But now that their band has accompanied Renaldo Lapuz on "We're Brothers Forever," I would advise any Trojans out there not to mention their alma mater for a while. If there's anything more shameful than losing a football game to UCLA, surely this must be it.
"Apologize," performed by David Archuleta and OneRepublic: Another band I've never heard of. God, I'm such a fossil. The guy at the piano looked like he was passing the same kidney stone that was bothering David A. on Tuesday night. You could tell the competition was over for D.A. at this point. In fact, you could almost hear his thoughts: "Darn what Andrew Lloyd Webber says! He's not around anymore! I'm gonna close my eyes all over the place! In fact, I'm gonna look comatose! GOSH!"
"One Step at a Time," performed by Jordin Sparks: If this were the Miss America Pageant, this would be the spot where last year's winner takes her Final Walk, while Bert Parks sings the salute to the deposed queen, "Miss America, You're Beautiful" ("There She Is" was always reserved for the new title-holder):
Miss America, you're beautiful.
With so many roles to play,
Ev'ry road along the way
Will still be your runway,
Miss America!
Well, actually, this is the Miss America Pageant, or what substitutes for it these days, and this was the outgoing Idol's Final Walk, and God, I wish Bert Parks were still alive. Then we might have been spared Jordin's aggressively off-key (but energetic!) romp through yet another undistinguished and indistinguishable song of the type currently favored by pop princesses and those who download their hits. You know what I mean: mile-a-minute hip-hop-influenced lyrics set to a breakneck beat and what can only charitably be called a melody. It's the same crap we've heard on this show in just the last six weeks from Fantasia Barrino, Mariah Carey and that Natasha woman. What made it special was Jordin's outfit -- a shockingly unflattering gold mylar babydoll dress that made her look like Betsy McCall after that nasty accident at the wrapping-paper factory. I'm sorry, I can't resist: She was a hot tranny mess!
Filler consisting of footage of Gladys Knight from 1972 superimposed onto the Pips she was supposedly auditioning at the time, played only marginally successfully for laughs by Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and someone I thought I wasn't hip enough to recognize but who turned out to be Robert Downey, Jr.: What more could possibly be said about that?
"Last Name," performed by Carrie Underwood: Carrie is getting more comfortable actually moving onstage, her voice is better than it ever was during her tenure on "Idol," and she looked fantastic last night. Well, fantastic as long as you were looking at her face and her figure. Please to ignore the clothes. I swear, Carrie was in costume as a 1968 Western Airlines flight attendant who discovered she had to get married while on the job, and therefore attached a train to the back of her uniform. That flight, when she walked down the aisle, she walked down the aisle.
George Michael medley, performed by the Top Twelve: Shucks. Couldn't they have brought Luke Menard back and sung "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" just for this? No such luck.
"Praying for Time," performed by George Michael: Reportedly George wasn't feeling well last night, but you'd never know it from his restrained but emotional (if somewhat mannered -- the fluttery gestures were a bit distracting) interpretation of this song. Nice to see GM out of the slammer, out of the courtroom, out of the men's room, out of the closet and back on the stage.
Judges' final remarks: Randy's remarks were dismissible, but Paula and Simon each had a moment. I wish I had written down Paula's comments verbatim, but they were something along the lines of this: "This is the finale, but it's really not the final, because it's just the beginning of the destiny of your career." Why don't they have Paula write the winner's song every year? That lyric is certainly no worse than Tuesday night's "How can a window encompass perfection?"
Simon, meanwhile, did something to David Cook I don't remember him doing to any contestant since he did the same to Katharine McPhee on April 26, 2006 -- he apologized! Evidently in watching the show on TV (or in finding out the results in advance, depending on how much of a conspiracy theorist you are) he realized that Tuesday night's competition hadn't been the David Archuleta "knockout" he called it at the time. (And it wasn't: David A.'s first song was the best of the night, but David C.'s second song was far better than D.A.'s, and D.C. did attempt a new song in Round Three while D.A. safely and lazily trotted out his old warhorse, "Imagine"). David C. was as gracious accepting Simon's apology as he was weathering his criticism. What a feelgood moment! Can't we just call it a tie and hug each other and go home?
The Results: But we knew it wasn't a tie -- Ryan had announced at the top of the show that, of 97.5 million votes cast, one David had won an astonishing 56% of them. And of course as the world now knows, that David was not the contestant repeatedly called "The Chosen One" by the Los Angeles Times or the "Presumptive 'American Idol' Winner" by Zap2it.com. It was David Cook!
The rest of the show would have been wonderful just because Jeff Archuleta did not storm the stage to throttle his second-place offspring. What raised it to the level of greatness was the genuine emotion displayed by both David A. (who looked truly happy that his big-brother-figure had won) and David C., who was overwhelmed.
And what made it a lesson for every future "Idol" contestant was David C.'s acceptance speech, in which he reminded us all that he had branded himself early on as "a word nerd." How many times do aspiring Idols have to be told that it's not just the music, it's the music and the words that make a song a song? Maybe future contestants will look at David Cook and realize that paying attention to the words was what made him able to reinvent "Hello" and "Billie Jean" in a way that made sense . . . that paying attention to the words was what enabled D.C. not only to learn three new songs for competition this week (to D.A.'s two), but to learn six more songs for the finale . . . and that not paying attention to the words was what undid Brooke White, Jason Castro and even David Archuleta.
I admit I was late to the David Cook party. Back on March 12, my friend John Mihelich wrote to me after I had blasted D.C. for some performance or other:
Although I never review the "American Idol" results shows, for some reason this year I feel compelled to. Something I guess I should take up at my next appointment with my therapist, Robert, at the Farmers Market.
Maybe it's because, in the past, the "American Idol" season finale has been such a monumental waste of cathode rays. Remember the year of the running-joke dumb-blonde-at-the-gourmet-restaurant sketches with Wolfgang Puck and Kellie Pickler? Ryan Seacrest trolling the red carpet and then taking us backstage to "spy" on the finalists in their dressing rooms? Paul Anka, dripping formaldehyde, singing custom lyrics to "My Way"? Or, most cringe-worthy of all, the dreaded "Golden Idol" Awards?
This year's closer, on the other hand -- while it had plenty of the filler, shameless cross-promotion and lame gags that characterize every "American Idol" results show -- provided a solid two hours of entertainment that, more than anything else, ended the season in an altogether satisfying way.
How could I not do the same for you, my faithful fellow "Idol" fans?
As always, in order of appearance:
Intro: David Archuleta and David Cook, dressed all in white and bathed in a single spotlight, staring each other down in a most uncomfortable way. Oh, please, God, I thought, not more boxing. Proof again that God cares about reality shows: we were spared. Better yet, the boys' embarassment wearing their Man from Glad-rags was diminished once we got a load of Randy Jackson, dressed as if he'd just been discharged from the British Army, circa 1776. What was he thinking?
The Remotes: Live from the Cook-fan gathering Kansas City, it's . . . Matt Rogers! What, they couldn't get Constantine Maroulis or Justin Guarini or Kimberly Caldwell or someone who placed higher than 11th and actually went on an "AI" tour to report from the scene? Meanwhile, in Murray, Utah -- oh, my God, it's Mikalah Gordon! You must remember Mikalah Gordon, the girl with the soul of Barbra Streisand but the voice of Fran Drescher. Only now, she doesn't look like she's from Flushing. She looks like she's from . . . Siam. What's up with that? Still, it was nice to see that "Idol" takes care of its own, especially those more unfortunate than us.
"Get Ready," performed by the Top Twelve with the "So You Think You Can Dance?" Dancers: Well, everybody's in white, and they're moving all over the stage, and some of them are break-dancing, and some of them are singing, but I couldn't for the life of me tell you who's who, thanks to the non-stop zooming of the cameras and the every-nanosecond editing. Dizzying.
"A Hero Can Save Us," performed by David Archuleta and David Cook: The Top Two harmonized very nicely on this, I thought -- not always the result when a crooner and a rocker get together. (It helps when the rocker can adapt to other musical styles.) The difference between the two as performers was particularly evident here: David Cook is so much more relaxed onstage, and looked ever so much more comfortable relating to his duet partner. He's a generous performer, though, and by the end of the number the two of them had a nice big brother/little brother vibe going on.
The Love Guru sketch, David Archuleta, David Cook and Mike Myers: Oooh -- another big difference between the Daves became apparent here, in a wretched cross-promotional sketch about the two of them visiting the lead character in the upcoming Paramount Pictures blockbuster, The Love Guru. And the difference is: David Cook can act. David Archuleta can't. D.C.'s facial expressions were actually funnier than the forced gags coming out of Mike Myers's mouth. (I have to say, though, that the Guru's greeting to one and all, "Mariskahargitay," is pretty damn funny.)
"Waiting for You," performed by Syesha Mercado and Seal: Syesha's singing partner courtesy of Heidi Klum. Syesha's dress courtesy of Rami Kashou. The whole number was "Project Runway"-licious. And our third-place contestant held her own in the singing department with Seal. Only one word for it: Fierce!
"Hallelujah," performed by Jason Castro: Jason reprised his best number of the season. And he still remembered the words. Another heartfelt rendition from Whoopi Travolta's Love Muppet. Let's move on.
Ford Music Video outtakes: Better than the videos were.
Donna Summer medley, performed by the Top Six women and Donna Summer: Notable for two things: Amanda Overmyer looking somewhere between bored and downright pissed off throughout the entire number, and Donna Summer herself, in fine voice but sporting not so svelte a figure. Somewhere along the line she should have said, "No more beers -- enough is enough!" But she graciously shared her rhinestone-encrusted microphone with Syesha. I wish she'd share it with me -- what a hit I'd be on karaoke night with that thing!
"The Letter," performed by Michael Johns and Carly Smithson: So nice to see them both, to see two early front-runners get another moment in the sun, and to see them so relaxed onstage and with each other. Carly looked great, but I have to say, Michael Johns, in his tux jacket, looked even better. They were terrific.
Jimmy Kimmel's monologue: He tried to skewer Ryan, Paula and Simon, but he left Randy out entirely. Since, in my opinion, Randy is completely expendable (and the British Army wants its red coat back), this didn't bother me. Makes you wonder, though, doesn't it? The entire monologue was lame. Best line: An aside about Simon's parents, "Rosemary and Satan Cowell."
Bryan Adams medley, performed by the Top Six men and Bryan Adams: Not in my wheelhouse. Who is this guy? He kind of looks like Jerry Van Dyke.
"Sharp Dressed Man," performed by David Cook and ZZ Top: At times, especially early on, D.C. looked a little uncomfortable and reserved, but heck -- he's only been trying to grow his facial hair for three months, not 30 years. He loosened up and, better yet, he displayed none of the diction problems that plagued him Tuesday night. By the end of the number, he was having fun, and so was I.
"Teach Your Children Well," performed by Brooke White and Graham Nash: Okay, so she didn't get to sing with Carole King or Carly Simon -- but if she had, we wouldn't have been able to tell their voices apart. Pairing Brooke with a man made that job ever so much easier. Overall, the perfect parting image for the ex-nanny: barefoot, strumming her guitar and singing a 1970s folk-rock song in front of pictures of little children. Woo-hoo!
Guitar Hero commercial with David Cook: D.C. re-creates Tom Cruise's famous "Old Fashioned Rock-and-Roll" number from Risky Business. Hilarious. What I didn't realize at the time was that David Archuleta also filmed his own version of the spot, and I missed it when I went for another slug of whiskey. I have since seen it, and I now recommend that you watch them back-to-back on YouTube. The big difference? David Cook is wearing briefs, and David Archuleta is wearing Magic Mormon Underpants. It's worth seeking out D.A.'s version, just to get a rare look at the Sacred Vestments of Latter-Day Saints, Boxer-Shorts Edition. You've got to hand it to David Archuleta: He gave us something Mitt Romney and Marie Osmond never did.
A performance by a boy band that Ryan said "needs no introduction" so he allowed the screaming girls in the audience to shout out their name, which of course was unintelligible: I came to find out they were The Jonas Brothers. I had come to think of them as The Eunuchs. I like my name for them better.
Bad-audition montage: Better to watch one minute of this than ten entire episodes of it. One wannabe the judges and producers found particularly memorable was one Renaldo Lapuz, who auditioned with a song he wrote himself called "We're Brothers Forever." So just as they trotted out last year's crazed Clay Aiken fan and let him sing with the object of his twisted desire, the producers foisted Renaldo upon us, singing his signature tune, dressed in something he got at Siegfried and Roy's going-out-of-business sale, and coming down the stairs just like Lucy Ricardo did in the famous Hollywood-showgirl episode. Oh, but it got better. Up the aisles to accompany him: the University of Southern California marching band and cheerleaders, and eventually even Paula and Randy.
This show is like the television equivalent of a pizza that fell over in your car on your way home, I thought. All the cheese is smooshed into one place!
Around here, USC is viewed either with envy or contempt as the rich kids' school, the university whose graduates sometimes have just a tiny superiority complex and sense of entitlement. I'm from Ohio, I wouldn't know. But now that their band has accompanied Renaldo Lapuz on "We're Brothers Forever," I would advise any Trojans out there not to mention their alma mater for a while. If there's anything more shameful than losing a football game to UCLA, surely this must be it.
"Apologize," performed by David Archuleta and OneRepublic: Another band I've never heard of. God, I'm such a fossil. The guy at the piano looked like he was passing the same kidney stone that was bothering David A. on Tuesday night. You could tell the competition was over for D.A. at this point. In fact, you could almost hear his thoughts: "Darn what Andrew Lloyd Webber says! He's not around anymore! I'm gonna close my eyes all over the place! In fact, I'm gonna look comatose! GOSH!"
"One Step at a Time," performed by Jordin Sparks: If this were the Miss America Pageant, this would be the spot where last year's winner takes her Final Walk, while Bert Parks sings the salute to the deposed queen, "Miss America, You're Beautiful" ("There She Is" was always reserved for the new title-holder):
Miss America, you're beautiful.
With so many roles to play,
Ev'ry road along the way
Will still be your runway,
Miss America!
Well, actually, this is the Miss America Pageant, or what substitutes for it these days, and this was the outgoing Idol's Final Walk, and God, I wish Bert Parks were still alive. Then we might have been spared Jordin's aggressively off-key (but energetic!) romp through yet another undistinguished and indistinguishable song of the type currently favored by pop princesses and those who download their hits. You know what I mean: mile-a-minute hip-hop-influenced lyrics set to a breakneck beat and what can only charitably be called a melody. It's the same crap we've heard on this show in just the last six weeks from Fantasia Barrino, Mariah Carey and that Natasha woman. What made it special was Jordin's outfit -- a shockingly unflattering gold mylar babydoll dress that made her look like Betsy McCall after that nasty accident at the wrapping-paper factory. I'm sorry, I can't resist: She was a hot tranny mess!
Filler consisting of footage of Gladys Knight from 1972 superimposed onto the Pips she was supposedly auditioning at the time, played only marginally successfully for laughs by Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and someone I thought I wasn't hip enough to recognize but who turned out to be Robert Downey, Jr.: What more could possibly be said about that?
"Last Name," performed by Carrie Underwood: Carrie is getting more comfortable actually moving onstage, her voice is better than it ever was during her tenure on "Idol," and she looked fantastic last night. Well, fantastic as long as you were looking at her face and her figure. Please to ignore the clothes. I swear, Carrie was in costume as a 1968 Western Airlines flight attendant who discovered she had to get married while on the job, and therefore attached a train to the back of her uniform. That flight, when she walked down the aisle, she walked down the aisle.
George Michael medley, performed by the Top Twelve: Shucks. Couldn't they have brought Luke Menard back and sung "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" just for this? No such luck.
"Praying for Time," performed by George Michael: Reportedly George wasn't feeling well last night, but you'd never know it from his restrained but emotional (if somewhat mannered -- the fluttery gestures were a bit distracting) interpretation of this song. Nice to see GM out of the slammer, out of the courtroom, out of the men's room, out of the closet and back on the stage.
Judges' final remarks: Randy's remarks were dismissible, but Paula and Simon each had a moment. I wish I had written down Paula's comments verbatim, but they were something along the lines of this: "This is the finale, but it's really not the final, because it's just the beginning of the destiny of your career." Why don't they have Paula write the winner's song every year? That lyric is certainly no worse than Tuesday night's "How can a window encompass perfection?"
Simon, meanwhile, did something to David Cook I don't remember him doing to any contestant since he did the same to Katharine McPhee on April 26, 2006 -- he apologized! Evidently in watching the show on TV (or in finding out the results in advance, depending on how much of a conspiracy theorist you are) he realized that Tuesday night's competition hadn't been the David Archuleta "knockout" he called it at the time. (And it wasn't: David A.'s first song was the best of the night, but David C.'s second song was far better than D.A.'s, and D.C. did attempt a new song in Round Three while D.A. safely and lazily trotted out his old warhorse, "Imagine"). David C. was as gracious accepting Simon's apology as he was weathering his criticism. What a feelgood moment! Can't we just call it a tie and hug each other and go home?
The Results: But we knew it wasn't a tie -- Ryan had announced at the top of the show that, of 97.5 million votes cast, one David had won an astonishing 56% of them. And of course as the world now knows, that David was not the contestant repeatedly called "The Chosen One" by the Los Angeles Times or the "Presumptive 'American Idol' Winner" by Zap2it.com. It was David Cook!
The rest of the show would have been wonderful just because Jeff Archuleta did not storm the stage to throttle his second-place offspring. What raised it to the level of greatness was the genuine emotion displayed by both David A. (who looked truly happy that his big-brother-figure had won) and David C., who was overwhelmed.
And what made it a lesson for every future "Idol" contestant was David C.'s acceptance speech, in which he reminded us all that he had branded himself early on as "a word nerd." How many times do aspiring Idols have to be told that it's not just the music, it's the music and the words that make a song a song? Maybe future contestants will look at David Cook and realize that paying attention to the words was what made him able to reinvent "Hello" and "Billie Jean" in a way that made sense . . . that paying attention to the words was what enabled D.C. not only to learn three new songs for competition this week (to D.A.'s two), but to learn six more songs for the finale . . . and that not paying attention to the words was what undid Brooke White, Jason Castro and even David Archuleta.
I admit I was late to the David Cook party. Back on March 12, my friend John Mihelich wrote to me after I had blasted D.C. for some performance or other:
C'mon, drink the David Cook Kool Aid! It's so yummy! Here, have a sip. Mmmm.
Now I buy the stuff by the gallon.
And who wouldn't? After his coronation, willingly sharing the stage with his family and his competitor and all the rest of the Top Twelve, David still had to sing the 2008 "American Idol" equivalent to "There She Is, Miss America," the first-place votegetter in the dreaded "AI" Original Song Contest. The title will tell you almost everything you need to know, and I'll tell you the rest. The title is "The Time of My Life," and the rest is: it even included a lyric about rainbows.
D.C. sang the hell out of this shlock, amid tears and smiles and hugs and strobe lights and confetti -- everything but a sash and a tiara, and I could arrange for that if they asked me -- and he didn't drop a word or miss a note of it. How much more of an idol could anybody want than that?
Yes, "American Idol" is part beauty pageant, and that's part of its appeal. When I was -- oh, let's say when I was minus 10 -- watching the Miss America pageant wasn't something we just did in my family every year; it was a national event. So was sitting around the television set on Saturday nights watching Jackie Gleason and, later, Carol Burnett, and on Sunday nights watching Ed Sullivan. At my house, every afternoon after school you could find my grandmother caught up in her "stories" -- "The Edge of Night" and "The Secret Storm." Sunday afternoons at 5:30? Time for "Ted Mack and the Original Amateur Hour."
Beauty pageants are out of style now; so are variety shows. Soap operas went into decline when the press started reporting which actors' contracts were renewed and whose weren't -- letting you know in advance what characters were likely to meet an untimely end. Talent contests faded after "Star Search" celebrated Ed McMahan's 104th birthday on the air.
"American Idol," in its maddening way, brings back what made all of those indigenous American art forms popular. The chance for an unknown to become a star because of popular acclaim, a la Ted Mack and his wheel of fortune ("Round and round she goes, and where she stops, nobody knows") and the postcards people sent in to vote for their favorites. The succession of musical acts and burlesque sketches (now they're called Ford Music Videos) that ensured variety show viewers there'd be something for everyone in the family to enjoy. The suspense of not knowing who's going to be killed off next. The pomp and circumstance of crowning royalty.
For those of us who grew up watching variety shows, soaps, talent contests and beauty pageants, "American Idol" (and, to a lesser extent, "Dancing with the Stars") taps into our collective memory. For the kids who don't even know what those relics are (variety shows might as well be vaudeville), "American Idol" proves that their elements are just as compelling now as they were 40, 50 or even 60 years ago. That's why -- despite all the complaints, including mine, about its structure, its judges, its conspiracies, its scandals, its contestants, its songs, its value -- it will be around next year.
And so I guess I will be too. See you then.
And who wouldn't? After his coronation, willingly sharing the stage with his family and his competitor and all the rest of the Top Twelve, David still had to sing the 2008 "American Idol" equivalent to "There She Is, Miss America," the first-place votegetter in the dreaded "AI" Original Song Contest. The title will tell you almost everything you need to know, and I'll tell you the rest. The title is "The Time of My Life," and the rest is: it even included a lyric about rainbows.
D.C. sang the hell out of this shlock, amid tears and smiles and hugs and strobe lights and confetti -- everything but a sash and a tiara, and I could arrange for that if they asked me -- and he didn't drop a word or miss a note of it. How much more of an idol could anybody want than that?
Yes, "American Idol" is part beauty pageant, and that's part of its appeal. When I was -- oh, let's say when I was minus 10 -- watching the Miss America pageant wasn't something we just did in my family every year; it was a national event. So was sitting around the television set on Saturday nights watching Jackie Gleason and, later, Carol Burnett, and on Sunday nights watching Ed Sullivan. At my house, every afternoon after school you could find my grandmother caught up in her "stories" -- "The Edge of Night" and "The Secret Storm." Sunday afternoons at 5:30? Time for "Ted Mack and the Original Amateur Hour."
Beauty pageants are out of style now; so are variety shows. Soap operas went into decline when the press started reporting which actors' contracts were renewed and whose weren't -- letting you know in advance what characters were likely to meet an untimely end. Talent contests faded after "Star Search" celebrated Ed McMahan's 104th birthday on the air.
"American Idol," in its maddening way, brings back what made all of those indigenous American art forms popular. The chance for an unknown to become a star because of popular acclaim, a la Ted Mack and his wheel of fortune ("Round and round she goes, and where she stops, nobody knows") and the postcards people sent in to vote for their favorites. The succession of musical acts and burlesque sketches (now they're called Ford Music Videos) that ensured variety show viewers there'd be something for everyone in the family to enjoy. The suspense of not knowing who's going to be killed off next. The pomp and circumstance of crowning royalty.
For those of us who grew up watching variety shows, soaps, talent contests and beauty pageants, "American Idol" (and, to a lesser extent, "Dancing with the Stars") taps into our collective memory. For the kids who don't even know what those relics are (variety shows might as well be vaudeville), "American Idol" proves that their elements are just as compelling now as they were 40, 50 or even 60 years ago. That's why -- despite all the complaints, including mine, about its structure, its judges, its conspiracies, its scandals, its contestants, its songs, its value -- it will be around next year.
And so I guess I will be too. See you then.
3 comments:
Yeah ... I'm the first to comment ... yipee.
Thanks for another great year of idol chatter, and now you can have the entire world read your idol thoughts.
Wait a minute ... that makes me less special.
Chip,
Thank you for such a great season! We look forward to it again next year. I say we need to do an Idol pool.
So, are you planning to continue with "So You Think You Can Dance?" I think quite a few Idol fans will move over.
I am so excited that my favorite rocker from the beginning, David Cook won! Yes!
Thanks again for entertaining us every week.
Sonja
Oh Chip, I laughed, I cried. I can't believe I missed the entire show sitting on an airplane, but your commentary is so vivid, so pitch perfect...I feel like I was there.
I also enjoyed the history of TV entertainment at the end. I forget about what television used to be like, and what a good time our family would have sitting around the living room...sigh.
Great blog.
Post a Comment